I’m 17 years old and grew up in a Baptist home, how do I start the journey to becoming Catholic?

Today at Ask Catholic Girl–behold a teenager! I happen to be nuts about teenagers.

Dear Catholic Girl,

I’m 17 years old and I was raised in a home where we are I guess what you could say was a Christian Baptist home. We never really go to church. But, my mother was raised up going to church. I want to experience going to church but I don’t feel a connection with Baptist Christianity. I always felt more closer to Catholicism for some reason. I have a boyfriend who was raised up to believe in the Catholic faith. His family also doesn’t attend church very often. We both want to know how can we become catholic (fully) and experience going to church and really having true faith. We also want to get our families involved as much as possible can you give me some advice on how we start this journey? Please 🙂

-S

Dear S,

Let me start off by saying that as someone who has spent the last year of her life hanging with teenagers in public schools I think the fact you are being proactive about the things you want out of life is just plain beautiful.

Pray your guts out along this journey. Learn good ol’ fashioned Catholic prayers (the Anima Christi and the Hail Holy Queen are my favorites) and learn to pray in your own words too. Figure out what you love about Catholicism. Get to know God better through the community, by attending Mass, and reading everything you can (I can never recommend Why Do Catholics Do That? enough),

Don’t stress about becoming “fully” Catholic. Being fully Catholic is as easy as a sprinkle of baptismal water done in the name of the Trinity. Work on feeling Catholic first. Work at your own pace, pray and learn at your own pace. The Church is suppose to be more of a blessing than a burden, more uplifting than a giant list of rules.

See what Catholicism is all about right there in the trenches and get your butt in a pew on Sunday. If your boyfriend was raised Catholic he and his family probably have a parish, even if they aren’t there most Sundays. I would start there because it’s the parish you’re probably most familiar with. Then head to other local parishes to see if other places work for you too.

The Catholic Church is broken up into geographical parishes, so we attend with those that live near us. Some parishes are a lot looser about these types of things. For example, when I moved to New York City I went to the parish affiliated with NYU but a friend of mine “parish hopped” until she found a parish she really liked. Each parish you visit will be different. Sure, we all pray the same things and sit, stand and kneel at the same times but each parish has its own flavor. Some have contemporary music, some only sing at the beginning and end, some have young (and attractive!) priests who give dynamite homilies, some have priests who are super old dudes who are the best and most loving priests you’ll ever meet, and I know of a handful of parishes where nuns get to give the homilies on a regular basis. Most parishes have a special Mass just for young people (teenagers and young adults) on Sunday evenings. To find a parish near you go to your city’s archdiocese website, for example The Archdiocese of San Antonio. (Each site is different and sometimes kind of poorly made so if you’re having trouble email us!)

Once (or if) you feel comfortable hanging in the pews try a parish activity. Many parishes have breakfast after Mass, weeknight Bingo (yep, and it’s awesome), and youth groups that meet during the week for fun activities or service projects. This is a great way to meet other young people.

Then if you’re still loving the whole Catholic thing look into religious education. Some parishes have youth Bible study classes or other high school programs. Each parish has their own way of doing things but I think because you’re already at the tail end of high school (if not already done) that you could head into a Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults (RCIA) program. These classes tend to begin in the fall and culminate at the Easter Vigil the Saturday before Easter Sunday. In RCIA adults who are converting to Catholicism or never made their First Communion learn about the Catholic faith and prepare to become Catholic. I don’t know the ins and outs of the program but if you have more questions ask and I’ll find the answers.

Your boyfriend is more than likely already Catholic. Even if his parents never really attended Mass I’d bet all the money in my pockets that he was baptized because us Catholics, even those of us who only go to church at Christmas and Easter, we baptize our babies no matter what. I’ll even take a guess that he received his First Communion too because it’s what we do. I knew kids whose parents would drop them off a Sunday School week after week and then head to breakfast or go back home to watch football. They never took their kids to church or went themselves but it was important to them that their kids made First Communion. If your boyfriend is looking to get back into the world of Catholicism then he might just have to take a Confirmation (when when we receive the Holy Spirit and become adult members in the church) class and then get anointed with holy oil at a special service.

At any point in this journey when you feel ready invite your family to an activity at your parish. Let them meet the awesome youth and young adult leaders, friends and community you’ve found for yourself. Invite them to attend Mass with you. I think it’s great you want them involved and I don’t want to deter you from that but prepare yourself for them to be resistant. They have their reasons for not attending church on a regular basis and let them have those reasons. You never know your parents could all the sudden become very active Baptists after seeing you working hard at becoming Catholic. Involve them with what you can, the parish picnic, the children’s concert, midnight Mass at Christmastime.

Ultimately, this choice is yours alone to make, independent of your boyfriend or your family, and I think you’re savvy enough to figure it all out.

We’d love to hear how everything works out!

Much love,

Nadia

Advertisements

I was raised Catholic, but can’t accept it all. How do others, especially women?

Another day, another challenging and exciting question from a fellow Catholic girl!

And we were so pumped about being here and having this conversation, we decided that we’d all weigh in. The first post will be from Carmen, following the question: below. Nadia and Mary will follow.

Dear Catholic Girls,

How do Catholics simply disregard/ignore/make peace with huge issues I cannot get past? I was raised Catholic–mass 3 times a week, 9 years of Catholic school, the works–but I can’t sit through mass anymore with only a male, celibate priest who feels like he has a right to dictate my birth control options. I’m sorry, but he has no uterus, and he has no sex, so where does he get off telling me that birth control is wrong? I also don’t understand how the huge majority of Catholic families do utilize birth control even though it’s against the church’s decree. If an enormous population of your church disregards what you say, what does that mean?

I just see no place whatsoever in the church for women who don’t want to wear their bodies out having kids or live a celibate life as a nun. I see no place for women who know that they can’t be good mothers to 7 kids, or for women who ache to see a woman in priest’s robes blessing the congregation.

I think my question is: if you aren’t a hard-line, 100% orthodox Catholic, how can you take what resonates in your heart and disregard what makes you squeamish? It’s so black and white to me.

Wondering,

Where Is the Room for Gray

Dear “Where Is the Room for Gray,”

How I feel you! How I struggle with the dichotomy of the Virgin Mary and the woman at the well. How I wish that the Church could recognize the damage it has done to male and female alike by allowing so few examples of what it means to be a woman of God outside of the selfless, suffering mother or the selfless, suffering nun. How I wish that ideology was a less powerful force in our world than it is.

Right now, you feel like it’s black and white because everybody has always told you that’s how it has to be. I’ve heard people say it my whole life. “A cafeteria Catholic” was one who would pick and choose the parts they liked—the jello and the fried chicken but not the wretched soggy spinach—and discarded the rest. You couldn’t do that and be a real Catholic, and being a real Catholic was a badge of honor.

It was doubly an honor because I was a real Catholic in a small town in Southeast Texas, where Southern Baptists had us heavily outnumbered. At school, kids told me I wasn’t saved because I hadn’t responded to an altar call. I hadn’t raised my hand at an Evangelical revival, walked down to the front with fear and trembling, and asked Jesus into my heart as my personal Lord and Savior. Even when they came to my house in the white church van during their revival week to “kidnap” me and take me to First Baptist, where I’d be subjected to the proverbial “turn or burn” talk, I kept my hand down and my ass firmly in the pew.

I resisted it as a good Catholic girl, because of that real Catholic badge of honor. I knew the Catholics were Christians, despite what those Baptists said, and I had two thousand years of tradition behind me to back it up. I had the Sacred Heart of Jesus along with the saints and statues and rosaries and all the makings of a real religion, not something invented in the last 100 years, or even the last 500. And if it meant I had to take things wholesale, well, that was the price of the badge.

But, after years of obedience and sanctimony, after years of guilt and shame (oh, we are so good at that) about my body and the things it wanted to do, after years of trying to reconcile a priest who had never been married counseling my sister to stay in a verbally abusive marriage, I’m not willing to accept that badge.

I don’t believe it has to be black and white. I believe that there are expansive areas of gray where we can honor one another in full acceptance and in love, the way Christ did. To me, there is room for many voices in this conversation, many outside of Catholicism and even Christianity, about what is divine and how to reach it. And—this is a very, very important “and”—I choose to attend Mass at parishes in that exude such a spirit.

One of the reasons I no longer believe the all or nothing, black and white agenda and instead have found this middle ground is because otherwise, I would have to leave the church, the way I would have to leave America—and let’s be honest, the planet—if I didn’t let the stuff I disagree with wash over me.

There would be silence where I used to sing the Gloria, my hands absent where they were joined with others in the Our Father, no imprints in the kneeler where my knees would press during the consecration of the Eucharist.

And then what happens? If I leave, and you leave, and every other woman who wants to be something other than a celibate nun, a Virgin Mary, or a guilt-ridden transgressor, then who is going to fight for a different image of women in the Church? Who will fight for a different role for women in the church? If we are not there to press for change, how will it change?

As for the issue of what it means to have an enormous percentage of the Church disregarding the ban on contraceptives, I think it’s a wake up call. It’s pretty undeniable, even if the 98% figure isn’t exactly what it seems. And though the Catholic bishops aren’t admitting it, I think priests closer to the people know what’s going on. On the website Religion News Service, Mark Silk presented One Priest’s Opinion on the Mandate. “I don’t need Guttmacher stats to tell me that using contraceptives is not an issue for Catholic women,” a priest from the archdiocese of Milwaukee wrote. (Or for Catholic men, I might add.) “I see it every week at the Masses I celebrate at large suburban parishes… each one of those couples has 2.5 kids… I hear it in the casual conversations that men have with me informing me that they long ago had ‘snip-snip’… I haven’t had confession about birth control in years

So women are taking their birth control in silence, abiding this ban in silence, as many are abiding the fact that women aren’t allowed to be priests—that instead of being church leaders, they are put on a pedestal and told to be like the Virgin Mother: selfless, obedient, long-suffering.

But I wonder what would happen if we all spoke up, about any and all of it. I know the Catholic Church is far from a democracy, and this may seem incredibly naive or idealistic or downright foolish, but what if our experience—our lived reality—could change things for the better?

At this point in my life, I attend Mass—not because I have to do so in order to be a real Catholic, nor because I think a priest has all the answers for me, nor has any idea what is good for my body. It’s also not because I agree with everything the Catholic Church teaches, because I don’t.

I attend because it is my church, too, and because it is important that I remain a part of the conversation. I attend because it is a way I feel fed, connected to the larger body of humanity, and I know that lots of those people spend their time contemplating the nuanced shades of gray, too.

I believe that makes me more real than I’ve ever been.

Commenters, Catholic Girls: other perspectives? Any tips for reconciliation (with a little ‘r’)?

Carmen, A Catholic Girl

I’m a Catholic school educated, practicing Baptist and I’m missing the Catholicism of my growing up years. Any Advice?

First of all, we have to thank Joanna Brooks again for her lovely introduction to Ask Catholic Girl that appeared on her blog this morning. We have also received lovely, encouraging emails and Facebook messages from people excited about our work. Thank you to everyone!

Now on this lovely Sabbath Day, we received Ask Catholic Girl’s first, official question. I (Nadia) forwarded it along to the other Catholic Girls and we pulled our Catholic lady wisdom together.

Here’s the predicament:

Hi Ladies,

I’m a 31-year-old stay at home mother of 3 children (5 years, 3 years and 9 months), and I’ve been married for almost 8 years to a wonderful man. I was not raised in any faith but went to a Catholic high school that I loved.

After my husband and I were married we decided to join a church. My husband has a baptist background and consequently we joined an evangelical church where I was later baptized and had my children dedicated. Periodically over the years I’ve found myself reflecting back on the 4 years that I went to catholic school, served in the choir and went on retreats and have found myself missing the beauty and order of the catholic faith.

My husband and I have now enrolled our children in catholic school. I am very happy about this and am sure they’ll receive a wonderful education and a wonderful sense of the community of Christ. My husband is open to attending mass but has proclaimed that he will never convert (I imagine that many years of being baptist will do that to you). I find myself contemplating it again but only had 4 years of exposure to the faith so I’m not entirely sure I’m making an informed decision (if I’m even making a decision at all?)

My other concern is that after 8 years at our current church I’m sure I’ll be severing relationships, especially a relationship with our current pastor who I love and respect very much.   What if I end up not wanting to convert and I’ve damaged relationships at my current church for the sake of investigation?  Yet, at the same time I feel like my heart is pulling me away.

I was wondering if you had any advice for me?

Thank you,

Fearfully contemplating going “home”

Dearest Fearfully Contemplating Going “home,”

First of all, we’re pretty excited that a lady like you is thinking about hanging in the pews with us Catholics on Sunday. The more thoughtful, loving people we have around, the better.

Let me get this straight: You love Catholicism, went to Catholic school, and your Baptist husband is cool with enrolling your kids in Catholic school and isn’t bothered by the idea of going to Mass? If your home and married life can support you as you dip a toe or two into Catholicism then over half the struggle is taken care of. Even if your husband never converts, and even if you never convert, his support and understanding add extra threads to the rope of your relationship, making it stronger, fuller, and more vibrant.

Then there’s your faith community and Baptist home. We can tell that, as a member of the Baptist community, you serve, love, and support the community. There is probably a beautiful spirit of openness and a love of Christ there. ACG’s Nadia grew up around Baptists and other Protestants and Evangelicals who were confounded about how Nadia was both Catholic and Christian. Catholicism makes them uncomfortable. The Saints, Mary, the priests and their vestments, the Pope, the incense, the Eucharist, etc, etc. It is a vastly different worship environment and belief structure. But—unfortunately there’s a but—your decision to experience worship differently is your choice.

For now, we think that your congregation does not need to know how much you love Catholicism. You did not sign a contract when you joined your current church to attend only that church in perpetuity. It is not a betrayal to follow an honest yearning for the divine. In fact, the betrayal would be staying where you are simply out of fear and worry.

If as you begin exploring, you begin to feel that exploring without disclosure is disingenuous, take a few of your closest Baptist friends out to lunch and tell them what’s going on in your head and your heart. Make it known you love them and the community. Explain that it is not about the failings of the Baptist church, but about your heart and spirit feeling drawn some place else.

You and your husband can meet with your pastor and tell him the same things. Assure him that your marriage is great, your kids are thriving in both communities, but you feel the Spirit someplace else, too. We think he’ll appreciate that you’re keeping the lines of communication open and that you want to maintain a love and community with his congregation. If he’s truly invested in your spiritual growth, he’ll understand. If he doesn’t, that intolerance might be a sign that your desire to explore another faith is well-founded.

And as you are sorting this out, we suggest you go to your Baptist church frequently, attend Daily Mass when you can, pray fervently about this choice, and read a ton about Catholicism.

Nadia’s mom suggests you read Jeff Cavins’s conversion story My Life on the Rock: A Rebel Returns to the Catholic Faith, and buy The Catechism of the Catholic Church (a huge book of Dogma about everything The Church teaches). Along Nadia’s journey she’s read Why Do Catholics Do That?, and Fr. James Martin’s Between Heaven and Mirth: Why Joy, Humor, and Laughter Are at the Heart of the Spiritual Life and My Life with the Saints.

Based on your thoughtful and interested query, we believe you are capable of handling this time in your life gracefully, stepping on as few toes as anyone can.

Much love,

Nadia and Carmen

So readers, what else should this Catholic lover be doing to prepare herself and her faith community? Anything else she should be reading to doing while she and God decide which community should be her home?