Hey Catholic Girls,I have one little question which has been bothering me for a long time. I’m a catholic girl and I go to church quite often since I’m also an altar server there. But ever since we learned a lot about evolution in school, I have some struggles . I just can’t wrap my mind around creation and evolution. I believe in Christ and I also (as quirky as this always sounds) believe in the church, but I can’t deny the stuff I learned at school. My mother told me that for her the creation in Genesis is an allegory and has not to be taken literally.What’s your take on that topic? I know the church has a model of “theistic evolution” but what’s your take on it? How do you combine these two elements that seem so contradictory?
Today at Ask Catholic Girl–behold a teenager! I happen to be nuts about teenagers.
Dear Catholic Girl,
I’m 17 years old and I was raised in a home where we are I guess what you could say was a Christian Baptist home. We never really go to church. But, my mother was raised up going to church. I want to experience going to church but I don’t feel a connection with Baptist Christianity. I always felt more closer to Catholicism for some reason. I have a boyfriend who was raised up to believe in the Catholic faith. His family also doesn’t attend church very often. We both want to know how can we become catholic (fully) and experience going to church and really having true faith. We also want to get our families involved as much as possible can you give me some advice on how we start this journey? Please 🙂
Let me start off by saying that as someone who has spent the last year of her life hanging with teenagers in public schools I think the fact you are being proactive about the things you want out of life is just plain beautiful.
Pray your guts out along this journey. Learn good ol’ fashioned Catholic prayers (the Anima Christi and the Hail Holy Queen are my favorites) and learn to pray in your own words too. Figure out what you love about Catholicism. Get to know God better through the community, by attending Mass, and reading everything you can (I can never recommend Why Do Catholics Do That? enough),
Don’t stress about becoming “fully” Catholic. Being fully Catholic is as easy as a sprinkle of baptismal water done in the name of the Trinity. Work on feeling Catholic first. Work at your own pace, pray and learn at your own pace. The Church is suppose to be more of a blessing than a burden, more uplifting than a giant list of rules.
See what Catholicism is all about right there in the trenches and get your butt in a pew on Sunday. If your boyfriend was raised Catholic he and his family probably have a parish, even if they aren’t there most Sundays. I would start there because it’s the parish you’re probably most familiar with. Then head to other local parishes to see if other places work for you too.
The Catholic Church is broken up into geographical parishes, so we attend with those that live near us. Some parishes are a lot looser about these types of things. For example, when I moved to New York City I went to the parish affiliated with NYU but a friend of mine “parish hopped” until she found a parish she really liked. Each parish you visit will be different. Sure, we all pray the same things and sit, stand and kneel at the same times but each parish has its own flavor. Some have contemporary music, some only sing at the beginning and end, some have young (and attractive!) priests who give dynamite homilies, some have priests who are super old dudes who are the best and most loving priests you’ll ever meet, and I know of a handful of parishes where nuns get to give the homilies on a regular basis. Most parishes have a special Mass just for young people (teenagers and young adults) on Sunday evenings. To find a parish near you go to your city’s archdiocese website, for example The Archdiocese of San Antonio. (Each site is different and sometimes kind of poorly made so if you’re having trouble email us!)
Once (or if) you feel comfortable hanging in the pews try a parish activity. Many parishes have breakfast after Mass, weeknight Bingo (yep, and it’s awesome), and youth groups that meet during the week for fun activities or service projects. This is a great way to meet other young people.
Then if you’re still loving the whole Catholic thing look into religious education. Some parishes have youth Bible study classes or other high school programs. Each parish has their own way of doing things but I think because you’re already at the tail end of high school (if not already done) that you could head into a Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults (RCIA) program. These classes tend to begin in the fall and culminate at the Easter Vigil the Saturday before Easter Sunday. In RCIA adults who are converting to Catholicism or never made their First Communion learn about the Catholic faith and prepare to become Catholic. I don’t know the ins and outs of the program but if you have more questions ask and I’ll find the answers.
Your boyfriend is more than likely already Catholic. Even if his parents never really attended Mass I’d bet all the money in my pockets that he was baptized because us Catholics, even those of us who only go to church at Christmas and Easter, we baptize our babies no matter what. I’ll even take a guess that he received his First Communion too because it’s what we do. I knew kids whose parents would drop them off a Sunday School week after week and then head to breakfast or go back home to watch football. They never took their kids to church or went themselves but it was important to them that their kids made First Communion. If your boyfriend is looking to get back into the world of Catholicism then he might just have to take a Confirmation (when when we receive the Holy Spirit and become adult members in the church) class and then get anointed with holy oil at a special service.
At any point in this journey when you feel ready invite your family to an activity at your parish. Let them meet the awesome youth and young adult leaders, friends and community you’ve found for yourself. Invite them to attend Mass with you. I think it’s great you want them involved and I don’t want to deter you from that but prepare yourself for them to be resistant. They have their reasons for not attending church on a regular basis and let them have those reasons. You never know your parents could all the sudden become very active Baptists after seeing you working hard at becoming Catholic. Involve them with what you can, the parish picnic, the children’s concert, midnight Mass at Christmastime.
Ultimately, this choice is yours alone to make, independent of your boyfriend or your family, and I think you’re savvy enough to figure it all out.
We’d love to hear how everything works out!
Before I get down to business let me say how sorry I am for being MIA for so long! As I said in my previous post I have had a particularly trying semester, graduating and figuring out where in the world I am going to start my grown up life. A lot of things have fallen through the cracks in the last few months but now I’m putting things back together again, slowly but surely.
So after almost two whole months and without further ado…here’s the question:
Hello Carmen, Nadia, and Mary,
For the last two years I have been living in Trento, Italy. I was born and raised in Salt Lake City, Utah. Prior to moving here I only ‘snuck’ into the Cathedral of the Madeline in SLC a couple of times in high school. I was shocked that there were no adults around to supervise me and felt like I had gotten away with something. Later in graduate school I used to love running by there on Sundays when the bells were ringing but I never went back inside. Then I unexpectely moved to Italy. I had never been outside of the US so the whole experience has been both terrifying and wonderful. For the longest time I never went into a Duomo (Cathedral) and there are loads of them here. Although I am not mormon I was still operating under a very Utah worldview. I wasn’t sure I was allowed in and once I was through the doors I wasn’t sure what I was or wasn’t supposed to do. The big church in the middle of the city which everything seems to be built around, you are telling me I can just walk in there and have a look around . . . but I am not a Catholic and I don’t know what is happening in there. After a few months I realized what a fool I was being. You don’t need to be a card carrying Catholic to gain entrance. Some of the most beautiful, awe inspiring art are found in these churches. I have come to realize that as a respectful tourist it is okay for me to walk around and gaze at the amazing architecture and art. Now I have been to Milan, Florence, Rome, Naples, Venice, Bologna, Verona, the Vatican, and numerous small towns so I have been into many, many Churches, Cathedrals, Basilicas, monasteries, etc.
Dear, dear readers,
Sorry we’ve dropped off the planet for the last month!
As of late us Catholic girls have been exceptionally busy but are incredibly humbled that we keep receiving interesting, and thought provoking questions. I (Nadia) am graduating from NYU in two weeks and have been a bundle of nerves, excitement and all around craziness. Even as I have been trying my best to stay in the eye of the storm, you–dear readers–have not been far from my mind.
In the coming weeks we’re tackling cathedrals, evolution and maybe even some heavy biblical questions. Also, no one has written in about this (wink, wink) but I have been following this little gem for the last couple of weeks.
Much love and sending good vibes y’alls way,
Nadia, Mary and Carmen
In Part II, Nadia answers a question from “Where Is the Room for Gray,” found here.
Dear “Where Is the Room for Gray,”
How do I take what resonates in my heart and disregard what makes me squeamish? One of my best friends who in the last couple of years went from having no religion to being a Non-Denominational Christian told me, “Religion is first and foremost about your relationship with God and our community.” It’s these relationships that lift us up the most, not our relationship with the institution. I go to church on Sunday, yes, to feel community and ask for prayers, but also to have a chat with my Heavenly Father and Mother Mary in a sacred space.
I spent years feeling guilty (Carmen’s right, we do that so well!) about my beliefs or lack thereof. I once sat across from a family member and cried because I could not wrap my head around the need for Christ’s Atonement or Catholicism in general. This family member, who I am terribly close with, asked me if I believed every line of the Apostles Creed. Still in tears I told her I wasn’t sure. She looked me in the eyes and said, “Well, that’s what it takes to be Catholic.”
Her statement is flat out not true. It isn’t scriptural, part of dogma, or the way I experience Catholicism. Even in times of pure and utter darkness, I knew I was Catholic for two simple reasons: I was baptized, and I chose to be confirmed. That’s it. It’s done. I am Catholic.
The Church can’t get rid of me. I took part in sacred, ritual rites of passage. I refuse to go anywhere. They have to accept me, feminist Nadia, questioning Nadia, renegade Nadia.
How do I take what resonates in my heart and disregard what makes me squeamish? I put everything that keeps me up at night before my Heavenly Father. I tell him, “You’ve got to be kidding me! Really? Mary’s perpetual virginity? Pedophile priests? Woman can’t be priests? Etc. etc.”
I have thrown out what Mass is supposed to be and replaced it with what I need it to be. I have thrown out what prayer is supposed to be, what my role as a woman is supposed to be, what being a good Catholic girl is supposed to be.
I don’t know what it means when Catholics don’t follow every precept of the church other than to say it doesn’t surprise me. It doesn’t surprise because the Church has a lot of rules but a poor way of disseminating information. It doesn’t surprise me because the way people choose to practice religion rarely aligns perfectly onto the dogma prescribed by an institution.
And even though I live my entire Catholic life in a giant gray area, the Church’s teachings on contraception do not bother me. I was taught that fertility is an integral part of my personhood and my divinity. Contraception stipulates that there is something wrong with my fertility and that it needs to be reduced or eliminated in order for me to have choices and freedom. Just as fertility is integral to me, it is integral to men as well. When we use contraception, we withhold a portion of who we are from our partner. Same goes for men. When they put on a condom, there is a literal barrier between the totality of their personhood and their partner. Sexuality as I’ve been taught is the total union of partners. I am in the Natural Family Planning camp of Catholics. (admittedly I don’t know where this leaves our brothers and sisters who cannot have children. I’m still sorting that one out)
If you’re staring at your computer screen thinking, “This girl is crazy! How can she call herself a feminist?” Let me tell you, this particular teaching really resonates with me, but I don’t expect it to feel right or good or divine to everyone. I prioritize human agency over church teachings. The church teaches a lot of things, makes us feel guilt about our very human foibles, but in the beginning God created agency. He gave us minds and hearts and he expects us to use them. Fertility is not the only thing integral to who you are. It’s your questions, love of community, the things that bring you joy, your desire to work things out, the things you find humor in, the things that scare you, the things that frustrate you… you are not supposed to turn any of those things off, to your God, to your family, to you significant other, or to your church.
If you’re are sitting in your pew ready to tear your hair out or think the Church doesn’t want you, I’m here to tell you that I want you. I need to know that Catholics like me are sitting in the pews on Sunday, too. Knowing there are people out there with questions and heartache and a touch of anger brings me tremendous comfort. I find you and Catholics like us the answer to my years of praying, “God, you have got to be kidding me.”
Nadia, a Catholic Girl
First of all, we have to thank Joanna Brooks again for her lovely introduction to Ask Catholic Girl that appeared on her blog this morning. We have also received lovely, encouraging emails and Facebook messages from people excited about our work. Thank you to everyone!
Now on this lovely Sabbath Day, we received Ask Catholic Girl’s first, official question. I (Nadia) forwarded it along to the other Catholic Girls and we pulled our Catholic lady wisdom together.
Here’s the predicament:
I’m a 31-year-old stay at home mother of 3 children (5 years, 3 years and 9 months), and I’ve been married for almost 8 years to a wonderful man. I was not raised in any faith but went to a Catholic high school that I loved.
After my husband and I were married we decided to join a church. My husband has a baptist background and consequently we joined an evangelical church where I was later baptized and had my children dedicated. Periodically over the years I’ve found myself reflecting back on the 4 years that I went to catholic school, served in the choir and went on retreats and have found myself missing the beauty and order of the catholic faith.
My husband and I have now enrolled our children in catholic school. I am very happy about this and am sure they’ll receive a wonderful education and a wonderful sense of the community of Christ. My husband is open to attending mass but has proclaimed that he will never convert (I imagine that many years of being baptist will do that to you). I find myself contemplating it again but only had 4 years of exposure to the faith so I’m not entirely sure I’m making an informed decision (if I’m even making a decision at all?)
My other concern is that after 8 years at our current church I’m sure I’ll be severing relationships, especially a relationship with our current pastor who I love and respect very much. What if I end up not wanting to convert and I’ve damaged relationships at my current church for the sake of investigation? Yet, at the same time I feel like my heart is pulling me away.
I was wondering if you had any advice for me?
Fearfully contemplating going “home”
Dearest Fearfully Contemplating Going “home,”
First of all, we’re pretty excited that a lady like you is thinking about hanging in the pews with us Catholics on Sunday. The more thoughtful, loving people we have around, the better.
Let me get this straight: You love Catholicism, went to Catholic school, and your Baptist husband is cool with enrolling your kids in Catholic school and isn’t bothered by the idea of going to Mass? If your home and married life can support you as you dip a toe or two into Catholicism then over half the struggle is taken care of. Even if your husband never converts, and even if you never convert, his support and understanding add extra threads to the rope of your relationship, making it stronger, fuller, and more vibrant.
Then there’s your faith community and Baptist home. We can tell that, as a member of the Baptist community, you serve, love, and support the community. There is probably a beautiful spirit of openness and a love of Christ there. ACG’s Nadia grew up around Baptists and other Protestants and Evangelicals who were confounded about how Nadia was both Catholic and Christian. Catholicism makes them uncomfortable. The Saints, Mary, the priests and their vestments, the Pope, the incense, the Eucharist, etc, etc. It is a vastly different worship environment and belief structure. But—unfortunately there’s a but—your decision to experience worship differently is your choice.
For now, we think that your congregation does not need to know how much you love Catholicism. You did not sign a contract when you joined your current church to attend only that church in perpetuity. It is not a betrayal to follow an honest yearning for the divine. In fact, the betrayal would be staying where you are simply out of fear and worry.
If as you begin exploring, you begin to feel that exploring without disclosure is disingenuous, take a few of your closest Baptist friends out to lunch and tell them what’s going on in your head and your heart. Make it known you love them and the community. Explain that it is not about the failings of the Baptist church, but about your heart and spirit feeling drawn some place else.
You and your husband can meet with your pastor and tell him the same things. Assure him that your marriage is great, your kids are thriving in both communities, but you feel the Spirit someplace else, too. We think he’ll appreciate that you’re keeping the lines of communication open and that you want to maintain a love and community with his congregation. If he’s truly invested in your spiritual growth, he’ll understand. If he doesn’t, that intolerance might be a sign that your desire to explore another faith is well-founded.
And as you are sorting this out, we suggest you go to your Baptist church frequently, attend Daily Mass when you can, pray fervently about this choice, and read a ton about Catholicism.
Nadia’s mom suggests you read Jeff Cavins’s conversion story My Life on the Rock: A Rebel Returns to the Catholic Faith, and buy The Catechism of the Catholic Church (a huge book of Dogma about everything The Church teaches). Along Nadia’s journey she’s read Why Do Catholics Do That?, and Fr. James Martin’s Between Heaven and Mirth: Why Joy, Humor, and Laughter Are at the Heart of the Spiritual Life and My Life with the Saints.
Based on your thoughtful and interested query, we believe you are capable of handling this time in your life gracefully, stepping on as few toes as anyone can.
Nadia and Carmen
A couple of Friday evenings ago, Ask Mormon Girl Joanna Brooks asked me, “What are the problems in your church?” In between tears, I told her. Joanna told me that there are Catholic girls who need to hear that. They need the validation. My first thought was “Joanna Brooks is crazy.” My second thought was, “Where are all the lost Catholics?”
Early Monday morning, I opened a forwarded email from Joanna. “here you go, honey. your first question. you ready?” I propped myself up in bed and glanced over at the map of the world that hangs on my dorm room wall. One billion Catholics fit into that world map. I don’t have to fanaticize about wayward Catholics. They are out there and in my inbox.
Mark wants to know how to reconcile his disbelief with his longing for a community. He asks Joanna:
I’m a 66 year-old “Ex” Catholic. I decided to distance myself from the Church. I believe in married priests, women priests, and family planning beyond the abstinence pushed by the Catholic hierarchy. I’m not at all certain that the Catholic Church is the “one, true church” and that all others, Mormon included, are somewhat defective since they were not established by Jesus. I believe that other gospels are relevant and good. And I’m not into the belief that the host in Mass is truly Jesus’ body.
For years I sat in Mass and listened to preaching of the above and more. One day, a couple of years ago, I finally realized that my quietly listening to such talk was being read by others as agreement, submission. I told my wife that I could no longer allow my presence to be misread by priests and others as support for their beliefs.
I feel bad about the disconnectedness from the community that I was involved in for more than 60 years. I feel like a bad person sometimes. But the Church response is that if I choose to be Catholic, I must believe the tenets of the faith.
How would you answer this dilemma?
With that I began typing. Ask Catholic Girl was born and I made a mental note to tell Joanna she was right.
I’d like to let you in on a little secret. I am a 21-year-old progressive Catholic feminist. I long for the day when a woman can raise her right hand to bless the congregation with the Sign of the Cross. I worry that The Church forgets how important the sacredness of human agency is. I’ve read the Book of Mormon and the Quran and they were beautiful. Some days I know that those wafers and the Body of Christ and other days that idea sounds crazy. You and me Mark, we’re the same.
I suspect that when I sit in the very first pew, smack dab in front of my priest in my New York City parish that he thinks I have it all figured out. I don’t. I go to Mass on Sundays to say “And I ask you my brothers and sisters to pray for me to Lord our God” and to share in a community meal.
Some Sundays I lay in bed reading Why do Catholics Do That? because the thought of going through the motions feels disingenuous. Other Sundays, when I am back home in Texas, I sit in my car in the parish parking lot and listen to Mormon Stories Podcasts while sipping a slushy from Sonic.
Let me let you in on a little secret. St. Paul tells us “As a body is one though it has many parts, and all the parts of the body, though many, are one body, so also Christ. For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body, whether Jews or Greeks, slaves or free persons, and we were all given to drink of one Spirit.”
Mark, you and me were baptized into this beautiful, confusing, mess of a Church and the priests on Sunday, uber-devout fellow Catholics, the Pope himself or our own misgivings can’t change that.
What would happen if you went to church this coming Sunday? I vote you come home. Maybe it won’t be this Sunday. Maybe this year you’ll go on Easter and Christmas. Maybe, as per wayward Catholic tradition, your first Sunday back you’ll slip out after Communion. You have every right to come home. To sit, stand and kneel. And even though Church doctrine tells us that people like you and me shouldn’t receive the Body of Christ come up to the altar and say “Amen.” It isn’t just saying “I agree” or “I believe” but “I’m here to belong.”
The craziness we carry around with us during Mass is for us to ponder and pray about and for God to iron out.
-Nadia, a Catholic Girl
Dear readers, what lesson have you learned along your journey that you can share with Mark and the Catholic Girls who run this blog? How do you get your butt in a pew on Sundays?